HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE A MISCAST MARIA?

The Day the Sound of Music Died

OK, I stole those lines from the Twitterverse, but truly, last night’s staged version of The Sound of Music “starring” Carrie Underwood, was just so many flavors of patooey.

She sang well, it wasn’t that. In fact most of the singing was better than good (especially the nuns and children). It was the acting … Or lack thereof.

Committed to seeing the trainwreck through to the end, Jack and I turned the experience into our own little episode of Mystery Science 3000, annotating everything going through Maria’s bleach-blond head and Captain Von Trapp’s disconnected, unfatherly, weak-spirited behavior. Then we accompanied the performers during each song while throwing Edelweiss and frogs at the TV.

Tragically, we couldn’t crank the volume to drown out our own poor voices because the hissing during the live recording was so distracting.

Perhaps the most frightening aspect of the whole thing is they’re selling DVDs of the abomination for upwards of $23 at Universal.

If you get one of these from me this holiday season, it’s a sign: Our friendship over.