THIS IS MY BRAIN …

THIS IS MY BRAIN ON DRUGS

The latest MRI showed no signs of Sara. In fact, it showed no signs of a brain at all – just two fried eggs.

Concerned that I no longer seemed to have a brain, I asked my oncologist, “What up? Where’s my brain at?”

So, we assessed.

Radiation can sometimes turn gray matter into a diner Sunday brunch special.

Chemo can certainly turn things as foggy as a Seattle misty morning.

And the drugs! They create total mayhem on your system as it tries to accommodate force-fed McDonald’s Super-Sized meals when you’ve been a vegan your whole life. 

Well obviously, I couldn’t stop the radiation or chemo. But feeling a bit cocky that I was handling everything relatively well – except for the chicken-laid-brain – I thought it would be brilliant if we weaned me off all me drugs.

Afterall, I was never nauseous, even though I took nausea medication.

And I was still dizzy, even though I took steroids for dizziness.

And I had to take FIVE medications for constipation caused by the steroids and anti-nausea drugs, and I was still constipated!

STOP THE INSANITY, I cried.

So we did. We pulled me off all of my drugs. Totally at my bidding.

OK, note to self. The Western cowboys have pretty much figured this gig out. They prescribe these drugs for a reason.

About three days into my new drug-free existence, I didn’t want to leave my bed; I became dizzier (God, I can’t wait for that to end); my appetite disappeared (you know I not-so-secretly loved that); and I wanted to throw up pretty much all the time.

I jumped back in the frying pan. Went back on everything. And now I just trust the drugs, even though they make me feel a lotta-little fried.

P.S. The MRI did not show that Sara had left. In fact, there hasn’t been a recent MRI. That was a joke. I won’t know that for at least another month where we stand with her.

P.P.S. Those are x-rays of my head taken during radiation. And can we just talk? How crazy are they? You can see my eyeballs in some of them and I look like I’m wearing glasses. And what happened to my nose in the bottom left images? Just, EW.

P.P.P.S. The egg photo is not my brain. I mean, heart-shaped fried-eggs? I’m so sure!