THIS IS MY BRAIN …
THIS IS MY BRAIN ON DRUGS
The latest MRI showed no signs of Sara. In fact, it showed no signs of a brain at all – just two fried eggs.
Concerned that I no longer seemed to have a brain, I asked my oncologist, “What up? Where’s my brain at?”
So, we assessed.
Radiation can sometimes turn gray matter into a diner Sunday brunch special.
Chemo can certainly turn things as foggy as a Seattle misty morning.
And the drugs! They create total mayhem on your system as it tries to accommodate force-fed McDonald’s Super-Sized meals when you’ve been a vegan your whole life.
Well obviously, I couldn’t stop the radiation or chemo. But feeling a bit cocky that I was handling everything relatively well – except for the chicken-laid-brain – I thought it would be brilliant if we weaned me off all me drugs.
Afterall, I was never nauseous, even though I took nausea medication.
And I was still dizzy, even though I took steroids for dizziness.
And I had to take FIVE medications for constipation caused by the steroids and anti-nausea drugs, and I was still constipated!
STOP THE INSANITY, I cried.
So we did. We pulled me off all of my drugs. Totally at my bidding.
OK, note to self. The Western cowboys have pretty much figured this gig out. They prescribe these drugs for a reason.
About three days into my new drug-free existence, I didn’t want to leave my bed; I became dizzier (God, I can’t wait for that to end); my appetite disappeared (you know I not-so-secretly loved that); and I wanted to throw up pretty much all the time.
I jumped back in the frying pan. Went back on everything. And now I just trust the drugs, even though they make me feel a lotta-little fried.
P.S. The MRI did not show that Sara had left. In fact, there hasn’t been a recent MRI. That was a joke. I won’t know that for at least another month where we stand with her.
P.P.S. Those are x-rays of my head taken during radiation. And can we just talk? How crazy are they? You can see my eyeballs in some of them and I look like I’m wearing glasses. And what happened to my nose in the bottom left images? Just, EW.
P.P.P.S. The egg photo is not my brain. I mean, heart-shaped fried-eggs? I’m so sure!